The Wrong Side of Midnight

And for those of you who think you need to forward this, the fact that I am amused by this comic is completely unrelated to recent events. I work in tech support, kids, and I had a supervisor escalation like this tonight.

At subject suggests, I cannot sleep.

Various varieties of fail have occurred this day but two stand out from the (literal) crowd.

For one, I struggled with whether or not to do it, examined and reexamined my motivations and, finally convinced that they were in fact pure and not born from malice or wishful thinking but true concern, went ahead and did it.

For the other I still have no idea what I did but apparently I did something.

One has caused a great deal of uncertainty, a state I have rarely sailed through with ease.

The other leaves me no question as to where I stand but I have no idea how I got there.

Both involve parties whose actions and I cannot begin to guess.

Both involve persons for whom I care deeply.

Both are making me sick with worry.



It's nearly morning, old bed, new house, and I feel more homeless than usual. This can't be healthy for me yet I know I'll get by because that's what I do.

On a cigarette break late last night I asked my boss about the possibility of doing a late arrival to work on the Sunday following Halloween--say at 9pm or so. Believe it or not, he did not shoot me down automatically. He is actually going to check with the CCM and, if ok, put in a schedule change request so I don't have to worry about using sick time or anything of that nature.

Our project also has low call volume in the fall; I was actually deviated 2 hours before the end of my shift.

So...if I happen to get this approved...is Tapping the Vein still go?



(Side note: Shadow, what is the name of the band who did the version of "Halloween" from Nightmare before Christmas from which Marilyn Manson stole heavily for his cover?)

Ok kids, apparently I have the flu or something. Fells generally like ye olde Kenyon Krud. At any rate, I may or may not be at the Dock tonight, I've taken some cold medicine but am waiting for it to take effect before calling yes or no. I'll call it around 5pm or so. If I do cancel, I'll post everywhere I can but please help get the word out, especially to Darykk who has law school and Stewart who has rope.

Ye gods. Stress is not good for me...can't take abother month of this...

I have to keep reminding myself that sanity is not statistical.

Sometimes this all feels like one more strange dream, one of the ones that isn't really a dream, in which I've stumbled into someone else's life. At other times it's far too raw to be mistaken for anything but reality. Yet I also realize that a good portion of it is not simply the situation but is intimately intertwined with the core question of who I am.

Certain words have great importance in life but are cursed (blessed?) with flexible meanings. Several have come up in the past two years, but honor and integrity and respect and love are recurring themes. Your definition may not match that of others. Or it may match that of others but not that of the person whose opinion must matter.

I must sleep. Save coherence for another day.

For completely comprehensible reasons, the usually amusing syllabic switch phrase "bass-akwards" is not making me smile today.

On my way to work, I got stopped a red light of a major intersection--Sawmill Road and Route 161 to be exact. As I'm sitting in the left lane, waiting for the light to change, I hear the smallest of thuds, a tap really, almost like something turning over. The light turns green, I switch my foot to the gas, and...nothing. I stomp on the gas: my car sort of lurches forward at half-idle. I nurse my beloved pretentiousmobile, pretentious no more, through the intersection, to the right lane, and into a bank parking lot where I try the usual fix-all-random-engine-quirks trick of turning the car off, waiting a few seconds, then turning it back on (hey--works for routers, right?). Same. I then start trying to shift gears. Apparently reverse still works, so I can go backwards for as long as my heart desires. Fabulous.

Oh yeah--neutral seems to work too. Kind of hard to mess that one up.

Long story short, my car is fifteen years old, has approximately 200,000 miles on it, and has never given me even a hint of transmission trouble before now. Seeing as the transmission fluid itself seems to be in good condition and quantity and reverse still works fine, I suspect my car is in need of a new transmission.

I can't afford a new transmission.

I can't afford a new car.

I have work on Friday, faire (though compared to the job that puts roof over head and food on table that's rapidly losing importance) on Saturday, faire followed by work on Sunday, and work on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

Scott's schedule is about as different from mine as can be arranged within a 24-hour day.

So I have swallowed pride and am attempting to obtain assistance from the parentals. If anyone had asked me five years ago if this is how I thought I'd approach my thirtieth year on this planet, I'd've laughed at them. I've been severely tempted to start smoking again but I can't justify the expense.

Fornicate this excrement.

FABRICAWESOMENESS!!! *drool drool*

Seriously, they have just about everything from reasonable to ridiculous. If you really want to spend over one hundred dollars per yard, you can.

I now want to make approximately 2,749 new court gowns.

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.

(Because it's me, naturally these are in no particular order because I couldn't begin to rank them.)

1.) The Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein. My mother read them to me as bedtime stories, a chapter or two at a time, then I read out loud with her, and finally I read them myself. Repeatedly. It's not a stretch to say I learned how to read while reading about hobbits.

2.) The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (the whole series really) by C.S. Lewis. I ran into these in elementary school and read them over and over again--in fact, I destroyed two sets of paperbacks. I also completely missed the overt Christian themes at the time. I think everyone who hit them young did.

3.) The Chosen by Chaim Potok (hope I spelled that correctly). I can't read this book too often, but for so many reasons it belongs on this list. It's the first book I ever read that left me crying like a baby at the end. It also described "growing up in silence," something I felt I'd been forced to do in a different way. That resonated painfully. Good stuff.

4.) The Foundation Trilogy by Isaac Asimov. Probably the first science fiction I ever read, and one hell of a good start. I learned quickly that the best reason to read scifi isn't the wacky future gadgets--it's the fascinating study of human nature.

5.) Starship Troopers by Robert Heinlein. Politics and science fiction and first person narratives of transformation. I hated the majority of the movie probably because I love the book so much.

6.) Time Enough for Love by Robert Heinlein. Because there really is no such thing as too much Lazarus Long. Ever.

7.) Dubliners by James Joyce. My mother was out of babysitters and had to drag me along as a 7 or 8 year-old to one of her Masters seminars on James Joyce, so she sat down with me and we read the assigned first few short stories of this book together. She figured that a background in what they would be talking about would help me be less bored and disruptive. Which it did. But I learned about an entirely different style of writing, one that wasn't all pretty happy sunny things, one that made you feel an entire range of emotions. I was hooked.

8.) Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie. The author may be a meglomaniac on Iran's hit list, but the book is absolutely incredible. He takes first person narrative and twists it, traditional motifs and symbolism and twists those, and through it all paints such a beautiful, compelling story that all the literary tricks add nothing.

9.) The Monster at the End of This Book by Jon Stone. This was a Little Golden Book I had when I was very young and I loved it! Why? Couldn't've told you at the time, but it was the only book I had that really broke the fourth wall. It is my belief that children who are raised with books that break the fourth wall grow up into adults who love Joss Whedon.

10.) Transmetropolitan by Warren Ellis. Ok, so this is a series of comics collected for convenience into trade paperbacks. There are PICTURES. But the world that's created is witty, engrossing, depressing, funny, and utterly recognizable. This is the first series that showed me that comics weren't just superheroes in tights amusing kids.

11.) American Gods by Neil Gaimon. See, I thought about putting the entire Sandman series here, but if I had to choose which of his writings affected me more deeply it's not that. I hadn't been drawn into a book so completely in a long, long time. Reading American Gods felt like I was reading books again in elementary and middle school--completely involved, unable to keep track of time or appetite or sleep.

(Only fifteen?! Awww...)

12.) The Portrait of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. I'm weird, see? I didn't read one of his plays first, funny or serious. I went right to the big scary book which is funny and serious and sad and stabby all in one. And I did it in 6th grade. (And yes, I did realize that doing a book report on it was probably a bad idea.) Why? Because I was downstairs one day near the bookshelves and I was bored. This is what I get for picking the first book off the shelf and reading--a lifelong obsession with the witty Mr. Wilde.

13.) The Ordinary Princess by M.M. Kaye. For the longest time this book was out of print. Had I known that I would've stolen the library's copy back in elementary school when I first read it. If you haven't met Princess Amy, I order you to do so NOW. This delightful story turns fairy tales on their collective ear and is mandatory reading for any child stuck with an obsessive love of Disney princesses. Yes, there is another way to find "happily ever after"--more or less. Have you bought the book yet? Go!

14.) A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf. Every now and then when I start forgetting that I apparently became a feminist, this book finds its way into my hand. It's less a story than a lecture, and before I read it I didn't really grasp just how hard it had been for women to become educated, let alone to write. This little tome lays down in detail precisely why the female half of the species should be in awe of those who broke down those barriers.

15.) Lost in the Cosmos: The Last Self-Help Book by Walker Percy. I have an ex-boyfriend to thank for this one, and if anyone knows where I can get myself a copy I'd really appreciate it. It has the quirkiest anti-suicide explanation I've ever run across...and yet it kind of makes sense. Good, weird book. Go read it.

I've tried before to quit smoking and haven't really done it...I'd stop for a few days and then let some stressful event become an excuse for me to start again.

A few weeks ago, I bought a bag of (yes really) lollipops. Whenever I wanted a cigarette, whether driving or on break at work or what have you, I'd have a lollipop instead. Sounds kind of stupid, no?

But I haven't had a cigarette since. And I ran out of lollipops a few days ago and STILL haven't felt the urge to have a cancer stick.

I'm feeling really, really good about this.

* * * * *

WoW is a bit problematic. I enjoy it but I'm not happy with the amount of time I've been spending at night. True, I work at night, but I need to set an earlier cutoff for myself. The size and detail of the world was completely unexpected and yes--a bit addictive. Since I have no desire to become another example of Warcrack Ass from sitting on my perfect posterior all night, eating dinner, drinking caffeine, and virtually kicking butt, I'm declaring some time restrictions.

Kealurasia, if you want to join me I have three servers you can pick from--a pvp, an rpgpvp, and a normal. Bonechewer has my main character, Morwinyon, now a level 30 warlock for the Horde. That's pvp (and if I ever go raiding later on it will be for all the times I've been squished by level 80 humans while trying to get quests done in Hillsbrad). Kul Tiras (I think that's the spelling) is normal, and that's where I have a level 8 Alliance warrior that I started one night when there were constant raids in the area I needed to be on Bonechewer. My Alliance human rogue, something over 10, rarely use her, is on The Venture Co, a pvprpg. I don't think I'll be adding any more for awhile--three's enough to get leveled up to, say, at least 30. Scott has multiples of that; I'd lose track and I want to cut my time on WoW, not increase it.


* * * * *

I tried out for ORen again, just in case Dave decides that he can work with my work schedule and let a person who can only do about 3/4 of the season. I don't even care what position they would give me--court, countess, chambermaid, whatever. I just want to be there. Keep you fingers crossed for me...!

That.

I will say that WoW is an exceedingly pretty form of entertainment and that I'm an insomniac by nature. But I do have work tomorrow, even if it is the evening shift, and I want to sleep before then.

I'd rather not replace the cancer stick addiction with a video game. Knowing my family genetics I would become the first person ever to get cancer of the retina from excessive monitor exposure.

Holy hells--National City actually fixed a mistake. My paycheck is complete (including a little holiday pay and overtime), my prior balance returned, and all those fees--about half a grand's worth--went away! I brought home pizza for the Scott (by way of apology as I've been nigh-unbearable lately), picked up groceries, paid bills, and put in my usual portion toward rent.

In fact, National City removed the entire $125.00 charge and never replaced it with the $1.25 I was supposed to pay for my Dr. Pepper. While I do have enough integrity to insist on paying for what I use, after the aggravation of the last few days I feel I'm owed at least a free drink--preferably something alcoholic. Besides, I don't want to give these parties another crack at screwing up my finances. Would you?

As the subject line suggests, I've also decided to give WoW a try. I installed the game from the software I picked in 2003/2004, upgraded to Burning Crusade, waited overnight for 5-6 years' worth of updates to download, and finally created a character about an hour ago. I'm running around on Bone Chewer, Horde side.

More accurately, I'm running into things on the Horde side of Bone Chewer. I have concluded that spending my childhood with my nose in a book has set me back on basic gaming skills. If I could draw, I'd sketch up a one-panel comic of myself tapping away on the keyboard, frustrated, as my character runs into the same floating urn over and over again. Caption: "If this is an RPG, where are the dice?"

I checked the backpack--and yes, no dice. So sad.

Finally, the not-small-but-never-sufficient wine, sake, and liquor collection has a new home. Scott picked up two pieces of nifty modular stackable furniture from Target. We now have 15 bottles in a divided wooden "rack" on top and all but one of the liquor bottles in the bottom cabinet. It even has a drawer for the corkscrews and drink-mixing equipment. It's a thoroughly brilliant idea from the Mind of Scott and helps clean up the place. Now if only we can figure out how to display the old bottles we've both been saving...

Apparently I've been charged overage fees for my primary checking/debit account for about two weeks. Why? Because my desperation purchase of an ice cold Dr. Pepper from one of the work vending machines via debit card registered not as $1.25 but as $125.00. Where in the continental U.S. (excepting perhaps Vegas) is it possible to spend one hundred and twenty-five dollars on a single vending machine item? Columbus, Ohio.

I just realized that some malls have iPod vending machines which diminishes my point but only slightly.

I've entered into discussions with National City concerning the logic of a well-known food distributor charging $125 in a single transaction for a single bottle of soda. They have agreed to "look into it." Somehow I do not find this assertion comforting. If they don't do more than "look into it" for much longer, I will move my accounts to a smaller local bank/credit union. I like the convenience of a national bank but not enough to put up with apathy. Right now, I'm just hoping that there is actually a positive balance in my account following the latest direct deposit from work in the wee hours of this morning, seeing as how getting to work tends to require gas. Unless Chanukah happens to cars for goyim, 1/3 of a tank isn't going to last until the 24th of the month.

I've been tense and irritable ever since I learned of my overpriced Dr. Pepper--apologies to anyone I inadvertently sniped. I'm honestly surprised that Scott hasn't yet murdered me in my sleep. Money issues get me more panicked and touchy than almost any other subject, and I hate that this is making it more difficult than usual to fight off the beginnings of a depression that's trying very hard to get started.

Not happy now. Want mess to be over. Goddamn vending machine.

Sometime after June 6th, I will finally get to try out this thing known as World of Warcraft. Why? Because Scott replaced his monitor and is letting me use his old one for the semi-newly-built computer. His new monitor is actually quite small, a very reasonable size really, at 32 inches.

Yeah, it's essentially a tv. But with the photoshop and other artwork he does, it actually makes sense. And of course it's great for watching movies. We broke it in properly last night with a showing of Army of Darkness.

I'm having a nigh-impossible time reaching friends lately. Have you all fallen down a hole and (Acme-style) pulled it in after you? I miss you...

Back to el commission of pirate-y goodness.

Just before I left for work, Scott started a large pot of water with mostly-frozen chunks of beef and various herbs going on fairly low heat. Several hours later what we thought might become stew has instead morphed into the most deliciously warm and filling thick beef and veggie soup. While it cools, I'll throw in a brief update.

I have to admit to liking my job quite a bit so far. I know it's only been a few weeks, but the difference in coworker attitude, job security, and challenge between tech support agent and supervisor is very satisfying. Ok, so I'm busy throughout the day and wind up leaving late sometimes. But everything I do is different and I get to help teach agents to do a better job, to be their advocate in administrative snafus, etc. The people I work with now are a bit more dedicated. I appreciate that greatly. And oh yes--they are most definitely still geeks.

Commissions! My geeky coworkers have noticed me sewing in the past and have heard that I do renfaire costuming, so now they're asking me to do various projects for them. For example, I have a pirate coat to turn out by June 6th. Why so fast? Because the gentleman in question is leaving for China the next day, will be there for several months, and wants to take the pirate coat with him. To China. Honestly, pricing the items is the hardest part for me.

Ok, so it's dumb. But it makes me happy.

http://xkcd.com/404/

"dumber than the contents of a hotboxed short bus"

ABC's of Me


A - Age: 29

B - Bed Size - Twin, pushed up against another twin. It works.

C - Chore you hate: Cleaning

D - Dog's name: Oh hell no. I have no plans to own an animal that snacks on its own poo.

E - Essential start your day item: Caffeine (I second that, slytherinvera.)

F - Favorite color(s): Red and black.

G - Gold or Silver: Gold.

H - Height: 5'7", although I do like heels so effectively I'm often a bit taller.

I - Instruments you play: Once upon a time I played piano, chimes, flute, and I sang quite a bit.

J - Job title: Supervisor! Whee! Except I'm so new I have no agents yet to supervise. Soon, though, I'll be keeping track of about 20 or so technical support agents. I'm actually excited about this.

K - Kids: None yet or for the foreseeable future.

L - Living arrangements: Cohabitation of a lovely apartment with the Scott.

M - Mom's name: Marilyn. And she has no middle name; she was an "oops" and yes--the neighbor named her. After a Zigfeld Follies girl. Really.

N - Nicknames: This is teh interwubs, people. You probably know most of them anyway.

O - Overnight hospital stay: Spent some time in the green wing, so named because everything was painted green. It's supposed to calm people, apparently. I'm already fairly laid-back so I just wound up bored to tears.

P - Pet Peeve: People in public women's restrooms who talk on their cell phones in the stall while doing their business, flush the toilet, and then just leave without washing their hands because they can't interrupt their oh-so-important call!

Q - Quote from a movie: "I've wasted a year of my life. Maybe everyone out there is a liar. And maybe the whole world is "stupid" and "ignorant" but I'd rather be in it. I'd rather be fucking in it than down here with you."

R - Right or left handed: Mostly right, but certain things I do better left-handed. No idea why.

S - Siblings: N/A

T - Time you wake up: As late aspossible when I can get away with it...but currently 8am.

U - Underwear: Various forms of the noble bikini, some thongs as necessary.

V - Vegetable you dislike: Beets, primarily because they don't like me.

W - Workout style: Intermittent at best. Presently I'm on my feet walking/jogging all over a call center for 9 1/2 hours a day. Trust me, it's a workout.

X-rays you've had: Toe, forearm, lungs. Probably more I don't recall.

Y - Yesterday's best moment: Seeing Ken after spending 15 hours at work.

Z - Zoo favorite: Honestly don't think I have one...I like zoos but I prefer animals with which I can interact.

Proving again how not to stay on top of all things web, I recently discovered the best rickroll. I am also more than a little scared at the fact that it apparently became this big so as to make sense on this level.

Cartoon Network rickrolled Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. With Rick. Live. So if you didn't get the warning, the following video clip contains a rickroll.



Thank you, Cartoon Network. I'm off to bed now, kids, where I will no doubt dream of Rick Asner and his fabulous high-waisted pleated pants. God Bless the 80s for some of the most scarring fashions for both genders...don't even get me started on spandex.

Herbal remedies
Tiffy really knows her stuff.
She says "peppercorn."

(See, slytherinvera? Told you I'd work it in.)

Tornado warning
In Columbus today. But
I have no basement...